Reason Why Not To Educate your Kids In Machakos

A friend of mine who thinks that Kao's and their pronounciations are hilarious sent me this phonetic alphabet from Machakos. My Kikuyu half is amused and still laughing.....
(Remember to pronounce it as if your name was Nduku or Mutiso.)

A: for Ause or Handerwear
B :for Mbloke or Mbullshit
C :for Ceenake
D :for Ndie or Ndabrew
E :for Heat
F :for feheyko or fagina
G :for guice
H :for Hindia or opeless
I :for iyena or iccups
J :for jeespot
K :for Kino
L :for Lofermboy
M: for Mbomb Mbast or eballsment
N: for nglleen
O: for ot Like “hot”
P: for ply
Q: for curio
R: for lombert
S for: saver
T for: Tlue lies
U for:you
V for: fegetamble
W for: “U” “U”
X for :Hexcept
Y for :why
Z for: Zelo


Msanii_XL said...


Hilario mbrue...lmao. you are killing me. ohh btw i stundied in Masaku for like.

sandman said...

I :for iyena or iccups

aiiiii that one kwanza just floored me.

you left out M for mblown, as in "the mblown chooes (shoes) I will mbe wealing with my yellow shirt and ngreen pants."

gishungwa said...

reminds of the kao joke
a kao is told to construct a sentence using green pink and yellow. so he says
the pone rang ngreen ngreen ngreen, i pinked the pone and said yellow.
you got me cracked up there

Prousette said...

Mburue this is not very fair
Yes am laughing surely they do not all speak like this.

@gishungwa evil indeed.

viki said...

ei gishungwa, aki that joke has made by afternoon. very very funny

Guessaurus said...

(I know its getting tired already but): Mbrue, that was bloody hilarious, ati "J :for jeespot" - that's got me giggling all morning!

Ps: I chilled around Masaku for a year at some point in my life...Msanii, we need to compare notes :)

UARIDI said...

M worried about you Kao side.

Milonare said...

Handerwear - LOL - are Ngee Strings included??

I ear you with my hears saying all this with a kao accent and I'm LMAO...

Nakeel said...

eeh blue am mbreathless .. u forgot the G is NJiiiii..... so u get something like and she woo a Njii string before she lheft.......
A lung stretching one there...

Msanii_XL said...

@guess..its about T-ten or ttot?..ha ha wacha tu some chapos i used to eat over there..speaking of which i'm Ungry..the H is silent

Luna said...

its always funny to see how funny guys finds this email....but V: for fegetambles...heheheheh!

Farmgal said...

tsk tsk tsk
you made my day!!!!

@gishungwa enyewe that joke will always rock!

Afromusing said...

l o freaking l. too funny!

Afromusing said...

gishungwa, hai that was funny!

Mshairi said...

Very funny and just what I needed after a hard day's graft:)

nick said...

war adise:thi is very very funny..but be onest...u have a int of that halphabet right?????

Blue Poet said...

Thanx all.
Can you imagine a Kenya without Masaai watchmen,Kamba gardeners,Luo high fliers,Luyha cooks& house boys with pocket radios.... but to name a few?
That is what we are made of.
Its nice to laugh at ourselves knowing that we have a great country with great people.