Would Kenya be Kenya without our tribes?
This next series should not be viewed as tribal but rather as posts that talk about tribes with a touch of humour. I personally do not subscribe to the school of thought that advances the theory that we must rid ourselves of tribal labels. This is because to me they are just that- labels- nothing more. Tribes are our identity- none superior to the other but needing each other. Have you not heard it said how Kenyans are warm, happy and fun people? I agree! I say let us acknowledge and appreciate our differences, be happy, laugh together and build a better country.
MUTISO
A tribe of happy people who come from the Eastern parts of Kenya. They have a musical language and are dancers by nature. They have been noted to be acrobatic and can dance to the simple beat of a drum and a whistle. They make excellent house help and passable cooks. A visit to the Parklands area- inhabited by the local Asian community will bear witness to this. Mutiso is that ever loyal gardener who has been in the family since Grudeep ( Pradeeps father) was born.
Kamba men are famed to be notoriously good lovers and their sexual appetite is said to be unmatched within the Kenyan communities. He calls the neighbours housemaid “ngelemende”- (sweet) and they can be heard giggling behind the bananas at night. ( Parents of girls who employ Mutisos are encouraged to take them to boarding school when they turn 14).
Mutiso is also found in the nations disciplined forces. He is known to be a trustworthy, handy, polite and unquestioning soldier/warden/policeman. This is because he made a name for himself as an efficient gun bearer for the settlers as they made their way into the interior of Kenya. In the days of the great World Wars Mutiso fought gallantly in Burma, Ethiopia and North Africa.
Although he can go for months before going to his rural home,he will diligently send monthly payments to Nduku and his 8 children. She visits the city once every 2 months and the sounds that filter from his quarters are to say the least pornographic. He is however a good saver and at Christmas each year he can afford to buy a plot in Masii or Masaku ( they are not expensive there- 20,000/= will buy you a half acre or a whole one in some places. Clad in a yellow suit, red shirt and brown tie; easily setting himself apart from other Kenyans;he arrives at Masaku Airport- near the famous Athusi Day and Night Club-to board a matatu home. When he arrives at the ‘kambi’ he is received with awe by his fellow classmates who are farmers and village idlers mostly high on Kuona Mbee(that Methane based brew). Children at the ‘kambi’ announce his arrival with shouts of; ‘ Mutiso uya mujeci niavika!!’ (Mutiso the soldier has arrived) or Mutiso wa musongo ena suti nzeo ya led!! ( Mutiso wa muzungu has a nice red suit!) He then borrows Muokis ‘Kisululu’ and pedals 6 kilometres down the Mua ‘ills’.
Favourite drink: Fanda Horange
Food: Muthokoi, Maluu (potatoes) and kofisi (cabbage)
Notable Kaos: Late Mulu Mutisya and Parliament Clown Kalembe Ndile
Characteristics: Loyalty,lovers, colour concious
Most common Joke:
Mutiso decides to buy a coloured TV after saving for a couple of years. He goes to a store and asks the attendant:
“Ndo u sell TVs?”
Attendant: “yes sir we do.”
Mutiso: “ah nthey in colour?”
Attendant: “Yes.”
Mutiso : “Can Hi ave a gleen one please?”
NEXT WEEK- From the Lakeside- OMONDI
