To Nicko Kiddo - " Alls fair in.......

I (handsome me on the left)am incensed. But I have learnt to keep my cool. A certain ‘chest thumping’ (tried in vain to find a picture of a baby gorilla doing that) has declared Blog War II. He has decided to launch attacks through the comment sections of KBW. He no doubt thinks its ‘Gorilla’ warfare. He has refused to show his face. I do not envy this young man for he has bitten off more than he can chew – my dentures vs. his milk teeth? Obviously no match!
This foot soldier (pictured on the right)has dreams of taking on a veteran general, decorated both by experience and age. I assure all of you that this general will not be cowed.

Go ahead kiddo dig your trenches and line up your toy soldiers and I will have you all for breakfast. I will chew you and spit you out- my dentures can handle that. That is the truth and “you can’t handle the truth!!!”- (Said with the voice of Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men.)

Truth is, I was once where you are now, young and blind to the real world. I can relate to your Matrix type thinking but if you think you are Neo then I am the Oracle and I have tonnes to teach you boy. And I know you think you are ONE… (I am betting you think Guess is Trinity!) I will unplug you for life!!!

Insecurity is a word that I am now not familiar with- I remember back when I was your age and the day to day challenges that came my way. Your challenges are very different these days. I have often heard and seen (my eyes and ears are fully functional) your type :
a. Arguing about which mathree has louder music (I know you are convinced it is actually music.)Or is painted with more colours!!
b. Wearing dreads because it makes you feel rebellious - sometimes artistic.
c. Referring to where you live as the ‘Hood’.
d. Talking like 50 Cent is one of your…. what’s the word -“homies”.

Please be informed that you taking me on is like TETU district taking on mother CHINA.
Finally, I know Guess is a fine styled up lady. She wrote some nice things about you in her post. Since I also know she is of unquestionable integrity, I am puzzled at what threats you and the Nyeri chapter of the mob used to have her paint you in such glorious colour.
Before you gorilla thump your spider chest and crack some ribs- take off that mask and take a good look at yourself in the mirror( climb up on a stool) then take your webby self back to your clinic and continue playing the tooth fairy.

HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT.

General Smurf.

What is 'KOROGA'?

Pradeep (read that with an Indian accent, bobbing and swaying head on neck without moving the neck) a longtime friend and his family invited me for my first Koroga and I immediately fell in love. (With the Koroga- not with Pradeep!) This is how it happened.

I was struggling with rebuilding a car I had just bought and was terribly upset when I drove into my mechanics ‘workshop’ in South ‘C’. Wahome, the owner of the shop welcomed me with this statement:
“Pore sana ndugu yagu lakini Krangasaft hii ramiza uperekee muhidi.”

As it was about noon and I knew most engineering workshops close at 1 o’clock I quickly called Pradeep and asked him not to close- I lied to him that I was caught up in traffic. He agreed and I headed straight out to Baricho road.
On arrival I found the whole family, Pradeep,Sundeep and the dad-Grudeep Shah. ( I know the names the names sound funny but I assure you- they are real people. The workshops heavy steel doors were closed and they were all visibly annoyed at me for delaying them.

“Rafiki.. shauri gani veve nafanya sisi na ngoja zaidi?” Daddy Grudeep asked with the bobbing of the head.

“Ni shauri ya traffic mzee.” That bobbing always amused me and I caught myself just in time before I started imitating him. Grudeep was a happy old man, he was always smiling and liked to refer to himself as a kikuyu muindi.He instructed me to leave my crankshaft with Mutiso and come to collect on Monday morning.
“Shauri veve nachelewa veve naenda Koroga na sisi nei?” This was posed as a question but I had known him too many years to mistake it for that.

I parked my car, jumped into the back seat and made myself comfortable in their van. As Pradeep drove through the Nairobi streets he turned up the volume of stereo and ‘hindi’ music erupted through the speakers. I pretended to enjoy the music.

Our first stop was South ‘B’ where we purchased 2 kienyeji chicken. The Shah’s were regulars here it appeared, because the chicken were quickly slaughtered, halved, quartered, cubed and packed in two plastic bags all in under 10 minutes!

I had thought we were going very far but we crossed Mombassa road and went to Kenya Motor Sports Club. We had barely sat down when a couple of waiters descended on our Makuti banda delivering a jiko a wok, butter and an assortment of dried spices.

Grudeep put the wok on the jiko and a slab of butter (yes the WHOLE 250grammes) followed. The onions were thrown in when the butter had heated up and fried until they were crispy brown. Next he threw in the tomatoes- already cut up and mixed spices to the already heavenly smelling concoction. As Grudeep threw in the chicken pieces he explained why it was important to use ‘road runner chicken’ and not broilers. He said broilers are too soft and cook to fast. The aim of the Koroga is to spend time together tell jokes politick and just enjoy a drink and the outdoors. More onions went in and more spice and yes- a lot more chillies!! Water was added when it started sticking to the bottom and at intervals Pradeep Grudeep and Sundeep would take turns at stirring (or korogaring) the mix. Stir (Koroga) -add water- taste- Stir (Koroga)- add water- Stir- taste- add water – Koroga. After a couple of hours of this and low heat you obtain a delightful chicken Koroga. Served with bread or roti or ugali it is splendid.

That my friends is Koroga.

QUATRO CHARGE

I am waiting for pictures of the Quatro Charge from a friend so I can show all of you in pictures. But in short: The Quatro Charge is an annual event where big boys and recently big girls come to participate in an obstacle challenge for 4x4 vehicles in some very ungodly terrain. The challenge is a bit like the Rhino Charge without the distances and less rigorous and shorter obstacles. Some of the obstacles are man made others are natural-eg river crossings steep inclines and so forth. It is a spectator event, which is family friendly. Many serious charge fanatics use this to gauge the performance of their vehicles before the Rhino Charge.Spectators can try attempt the challenge- although it is advisable not to use you office to work car for this. Rob Collinge of Robs Magic suspensions was the organizer.

More to follow.

OLD AS I FEEL !

On Sunday I was sitting at Tamasha in Hurlingham having drinks before going out to Athi River to watch the Quatro Charge (Yes I have pictures and will post them shortly). I had just had a haircut at 'Kinuthias Super Cut'. Kinuthia is my barber and has been giving me a haircut for the last 18 years. (He is the only man allowed to touch my hair!) It's as quiet as you would expect for a Sunday morning. There is music playing and a number of early risers, together with a few patrons who look like they didn't get home the previous night, are cuddling steaming bowls of soup in an attempt to keep warm.

I have been kept waiting for over an hour by my good friend Willy- who by the way is never on time. We had planned the night before that we would do a 'Koroga' at the charge. I had risen good and early; proceeded straight to Nakumatt bought some chicken and other ingredients as per our agreement ;I then let Kinuthia do what he does best on my head.

Then some dumb DJ plays a song that meant so much to me many many years ago. He plays Cat Stevens 'Father and Son' but redone with -Ronan Keating of Boyzone. Its not as good as the original but the lyrics are the same. I look around me and realize how old I actually am! A forty one year old man sitting at a bar, surrounded by people close enough to his eldest daughters age, waiting for an equally old friend who is probably having problems getting out of bed because of his joints.

Here is the song:

Father and Son

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's not your fault
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

I was once like you are now
And I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found
Something going on
But take your time, think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not

How can I try to explain?
When I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk
I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go

It's not time to make a change
Just sit down, take it slowly
You're still young, that's not your fault
There's so much you have to go through
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

All the times that I've cried
Keeping all the things I knew inside
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
If they were right I'd agree
But it's them they know, not me
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go
Original Song by Cat Stevens (Yussuf Islam)- Tea for the Tillerman

Now I feel OLD.

Warning:
Any attempts to refer to me as Blog Grandad or Papa Blue will be met with fury and I shall not be held responsible for my actions thereafter! ( Nick read this as a promise not a threat!)