Tuesday

I Shall not be Detered!!!!!




BREAKING NEWS

Kikuyu guys all over the world have started a campaign to silence, ban and boycott reading or commenting on the slanted, immature derogatory and fictitious stories that are appearing on KBW. They have vowed to protect their dignity from the unwarranted attacks of the madman formerly known as the ‘Kenyan kukekamba’. Three meetings were held simultaneously in London, Dallas Fort-Worth and at Njuguna’s on Waiyaki Way Nairobi to map out ways of dealing with this serious threat. Sources at the Nairobi meeting indicate that the meeting was unanimous about the need to urgently address the situation. At the conclusion of the frantic calls between London, DFW and Nairobi several resolutions were passed.

A. Inform the Mount Kenya Mob and obtain contacts of a hit man.
B. Seek assistance of the UK Home Office to have the Blue Poets Visa to the UK revoked.
C. Convince the FBI that the Blue Poet is a known associate to terrorist groups.
D. To give silent treatment to the Kikuyu ladies on KBW who are commenting and encouraging the Blue Poet.
E. To start their own Kamba bashing series.

The Nairobi meeting was jolted by the arrival of Njoroge Wadutu who runs the SpyGrass Dectetif Angesy. Mr. Wadutu produced these three drafts of the Blue Poets post which is due for posting on Wednesday the 3rd August 2005.

1. *****Kinuthia pushed Wangu against the Mugumo tree and put his hands up her blouse. His hard hands squeezed her breasts as one does when checking the pressure on a bicycle tire. His thumb and forefinger moved to her nipple roughly tweaking it……….

Nituthii cube yakua uhe- muthee na maitu niimathiiri mahoya
DT: Lets go to my cube you give me- mom and dad have gone for prayers.
(line courtesy of farmgal )

2. ****“ A Kikuyus idea of a date with his girl is taking her for an afternoon of Nyama Choma and an evening of Mugithi at Rim Club and listening to Mike Rua of the ‘One Man Guitar’ fame.

3. *****Umekura Nyama shoma ikiwa na firi firi, umekunywa leds, Hatiri kuariria ….Shuma lazima irare Ndani!
DT: You have eaten Nyama Choma with chilly, you have drunk reds, there’s no discussion the chuma must sleep inside!

The sources also overheard the following statement:

"Kamuikaba gaka karatuthukiiria riitua numuhaka to deal naku"
DL "This Kamukamba spoiling our name must be dealt with".

14 comments:

kipepeo said...

"Shuma lazima irare Ndani" Another classic line!!! Where have u been hiding?

Blue Poet said...

@Kipepeo
I have to be honest- that line isn't mine. It is used extensively by Kikuyu bashers. It always pisses me off... but it is quite funny!

Guessaurus said...

That Blue, made my afternoon. You really are too funny for in-office reading - ati there was a meeting at Njuguna's - that cracked me up big time.

By the way, where are the Kyuk boys in this - guys, say something!! Kai Kamuikamba gaka karamurema?

Are those drafts being published anytime this side of Tuesday, I am not leaving here already :))
VVV Funny Blue!

nick said...

cammon there are shady kiuk and there are kiuks with pinache!
former:ur describin my roomate.he actually takes his date to mugithi night-after a bout of nyam chom fest-and seduces her jioni's with zilizopendwa and zilizovuma(apparently there is a difference) and dixie chicks

now the other 95% including me are sofisticated and romantic romantic(ebu ask guess how i tuned with cubed sugar cane)

-u do know blue is in reference to ur totally non-g-rated posts right! Ngoja ur caught by the censor board-note am sure majority would be kiuks-utaona-kamuikamba gaka kakwenda kutoshonorithia, kasheji gaka!!!! LOL

Jay said...

Lucky for me I have my own kamuikamba!! LOL

And you should know that the blue rating doesn't does me justice... at all!

Can't wait for next instalments and wachana with those Kikuyu saboteurs. Tunawajua vile wako!!

Jay said...

Nick ati sofisticated Kiuks? Heh heh heh yeah right!

Farmgal said...

Aki ma-ya-gai if a jamaa tunes me like that, I dont care am never seeing him again. kwanza the way I hate that corrupted kiuk mugithi music! I'd rather someone cooked for me at home. blue am hoping the series will be running on a daily...

@nick, guess and ms K hebu you dish out all the goss wacheni kutuonjesha ...ati cubed sugar cane....zilizovuma/zilizopendwa (whats the diff)

Guessaurus said...

@Nick -Lol at the sugar cane, thanks for reminding me. More ammunition for my blog :)

Farmgal - leave us alone already, the sugar cane worked enough to glue our mouths shut for the duration, he he he

Medusa said...

Oh man..lol, I have to direct some people I know here..
Yes please, school these brothers of mine from the sriding sropes- me, personally, I have sworn off them for good- no more mafefeini antics for me thank you !!

Msanii_XL said...

mbrue..off course you had this coming...and i say this without malice or any resentment(sounds believable)..lol. This post is hilarious keep the streak alive

gishungwa said...

eeeehhh brue ona we that was a deadry post. Kwanza the shuma irare dani line that comes afrer the conditions
si nilikushukua kenya cinema tena na gari
arafu nimekununuria fobe tena reds arafu baridi
si umekura thambuha tena ya firifiri
na nyama shoma tena iko na kashubari
arafu nikakupeleka upper hill mugithi
arfu unasema unaeda nyubani ahhh shuma razima irare dani kari kii
I must admit though that mugithi is deadly especially if you cant dance been there
magnifique

Prousette said...

why are people feeling threatened we are just sharing experiences here... considering not many of us have the opportunity and time to sample all there is.
Keep on blue

Wambui said...

@Ms K - thank you for sending me here! Yani I have laughed all afternoon! Like G, I have now camped.

@Farmgal - I agree. Details of what REALLY happened need to be spilled, esp considering both NG and G got the same colour rating ... hee hee hee! ;-)

Wambui said...

In my excitement to check out if there is a new instalment, I forgot to say, fantastic blog Blue...