Blue Poet in Hiding

Location: Somewhere in the Timbaroa Forest

Date: Wednesday August 3, 2005

Time: 0300Hrs

Temperature: 8 degrees Celsius and dropping

Dear Ladies,

The events of the last few days have forced me to flee the comforts of my Thika office and as a result I am now holed up in a friends cabin in Timbaroa. As you can imagine the weather is extremely cold and I am having difficulty in typing out this message from the small keys of my laptop.

I would like to apologize for being unable to post the second part of my series, which I am sure you were all eagerly waiting for. When I explain the circumstances that have led to this I am sure you will agree with me that my decision hold off for while, is the best course of action.

A good and dear Kikuyu friend, who for his own safety I shall not name, managed to record a conversation between several high profile bloggers engaged in plotting my elimination. Yesterday’s piece- I shall not be deterred – touched many raw nerves in my half community. I have listened to the tape over and over again trying to narrow down the identity of these people but save for one I am at loss as to the identity of the other three voices. I am sending a copy of the tape to each of you by mail- please help if you can.
I have made a transcript of the areas that scared me the most. It is my sincere hope that should they succeed in eliminating me that you will all know that I was speaking the truth. I am personally convinced that you ladies deserve men that are sensitive to you feelings and know how to turn you. You need men who are able to take you to new sexual heights, men who are not scared to excite you and take you to the limit. That ladies, is my dream. A dream I was ready to fight for. But now looks like I may have to die for or be forever banished in this forest.

In the background Mike Ruas song is playing :‘Kahora maurimu… niukite muno….
DL: Come slowly teacher.. you have come too much.

Voice# 1: Andu aitu, ninyitiri thimu kuma Mureithi na ajira nimarahotire kuaria na ‘the Njako’. Areda dorra mirioni ithano atuninire kamuikaba karia.

DL: My people, I got a call from Mureithi and he tells me they managed to get hold of ‘The Jackal’. He wants 5 million dollars to finish the Mkamba.

Voice#2: Very good. Kamudu kau nuhindi karabiririe kubrogg natarora airetu othe matiraima haria karii!! Ndiratarire ndirona ena airitu 7 regura… ni uru muno.. nitukabatwi.

DL: Very good. This has just started blogging and the girls are not leaving his spot. I counted 7 regular.. its very bad.. lets kill him.

Voice#3(Nick?): Nii nidiraririe na adu a censorchip na diramareha! Murata witu Ngunjiri niegusend a kavirus siteini yake. Twe hamwe uhoro wa njako… nitwiki kaharambee.

DL: Nicks Voice? : Me I spoke to the censorship people and I Paid them! Our friend Ngunjiri will send a virus to his spot. I am with you about the Jackal… lets hold a harambee .

Voice#4:Nitunine kabru kao!!!

DL: Lets finish this Blue?

As you can see ladies I am threatened. There is a way that you can each help me. Please share you experiences on Kikuyu men and Kamba men. This should let some pressure off me and show these merciless kyuks that I speak only the truth.

Yours truly,



kipepeo said...

LMAO at the "the jacko"!!!!hhmmm...never had a kamba man experience. But kikuyu' pun intended as my current boyfriend is from the said group. but i had a boyfriend who thought it was the in thing to have a pretty girl in the crook of his arm as we go around talking to his pals...or rather he talks to his pals and i feel like im just some trophy!! not nice and iv seen it happen with other men of the said community!! oooh this feels like something C.I.A-ish!!

Guessaurus said...

Being one of the regular 7, I am laughing so hard at this...

I have a suggestion though, how about those dudes spend the money on something more useful. I am sure $5M can go a long way into ensuring that their women feel appreciated and loved, and not just 'arm candy' a la Kipepeo - reminds me of something Ms K wrote about "my boys, my ball(s) my beer and my bitch"

Might explain why I havent been out with 'my tribe men' for quite a long time.

nick said...

kijana: haiya dont joke with my connections-one call from me and you will be color coordinated!
You can hide and run...ngoja tu!!!
There will be an uprising and totallannihilation of a certain
cucumber. Mboga ino! Gima ino ni tugokonina-ma! ma! ma!

p.s its been less than a month since i had that song in a mat for the first timee "sRow down teaSher, you have come too muSh!"

where are all the kiuk guys up in here.

Msanii_XL said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Msanii_XL said...

"sRow down teaSher, you have come too muSh!"

@nick addition to the post i'm 'dying' atleast its not mbrus' type of death.

mbrue enjoy the comfy confines of the body bag..bwehehehehhe

Luna said...

mike ruas song,'lets hold a harambee' hahahhahahahh..LMAO....this is too much...

Ms K said...

"kijana: haiya dont joke with my connections-one call from me and you will be color coordinated!"

Auuuuuuuiiiiiii Nick, that was ROTFLMAO funny!!! Hah hah hah ati coulour coordinated *taking deep breath* Aki I have to use that on someone!!

akiey said...

Blue,lol! This one's a killer of a post(ooops!) You great writing has come from people in exile so keep writing & your cause will see the light of day.
And your 'tafsiri' is teaching some of us Kyuk already,lol!

Blue Poet said...

Thanx all. I cant stay for long and comment on each individual comment- as you know I am still in hiding. Nick and his mob have these new GPS tracking devices and I have to sign out in 40 seconds or theyll have my location.

Pray for me.


Prousette said...

Blue; you may come out now the forest is not conducive for those ahem... activities the cold and all.
they surely did not mean what they said lakini am looking forward to the rest of the exposé.

UARIDI said...

As they have said "publish and be ****!!" I mentioned to a friend about the Kambas but she thought I was being anti your other half.

How are you reconciling this story with your Kikuyu half? Please do not tell us any more of how the males "tune" women. Been there etc, etc.

UARIDI said...

Blue in Hiding, apologising if my last comment sounded rude, certainly not my intention. It is the reaction of a woman who has had enough of Kikuyu men and their limited romantic manoueverings.

Enough to put me off men for ever.

nick said...

haiya hiaya(yes quotin a fellow kiuk brada) am i the only kiuk here???
....then again maybe they are all out there gettin their groove on? and what am i doin here???
first u alienate the kiuks and now u prove i have no social skills as well.....auuuuuiiiiiii....utakipata!!!

Farmgal said...

wewe blue stop telling us stories we would like you to endelea with the series, waiting ......
@msanii_xl lol

gishungwa said...

Apart form listening to kamemef on firdays for the "kahora mwarimu.." kinda songs i own a collection of them so am moved greatly.
THen to subscribe to the regulars tuiritus. You are really good too funny.
About kikuyu Vs Kao had a kao really romantic never went past that tho my reliable sources tell em tis true.
Kikuyus been there enough times lets just say they have their own way with the females. Some are really good others...

Poi said...

Hhehhehhe let them hol up no taking you out of this picture. Dude u r too funny...

Wambui said...

I am with you gals! Ati colour coordinated! LOL.

OK, now enough of all this hiding sh*! Yani, where is the sequel?

totosoft said...

Come on out Blue!! the ladies brigade will defend you 'cat woman' style- (theme music from 'mission impossible' here)

Really!! This is so true - and I fully unga mkono kipepeo!

Nick you crazy man- dayz of MO-1 still exist!!?? *bent over in laughter*

OK, I'm new to the blogworld, you guys are hilarious!! (ALL of you!)